Shopping montage!

Fae LOVES shopping. Once I really discovered the joy that is interacting with NPCs, I got behind it real quick. We went to an information broker, for lack of a term that I’m sure I’ll think of later when I rethink this in bed at midnight, and he sent us on basically a money-making quest, and so we got monies, and I went SHOPPING. First of all, we bought a portable hole. Originally we were just going to get a bag of holding, but since we’re fighting giants, the DM advised/gently nudged me in the direction of something that will hold giant-sized loot, thus portable hole. I also got a cloak of displacement. Take a read:

“While you wear this cloak, it projects an illusion that makes you appear to be standing in a place ear your actual location, causing any creature to have disadvantage on attack rolls against you.”

There is strategy behind that, for once. I’ve been trying to focus more on my spellcasting abilities. I really want to have a good grasp on D&D, and try everything, which involves me not being a polar bear from time to time. So I figured, if I’m going to be standing there waving my arms and looking squishy (not too bad, at an AC 16), I should be prepared. Thus, cloak of displacement.

But really, my greatest purchase of the day was the BAG OF BEANS.

One of the things you should understand about Faelinthara, and me as an extension (at least during hypo/mania), is that she is impulsive. Her flaw, as is written, is: “There’s no room for caution in a life lived to the fullest.” That might manifest as a visit to a brothel for information turned into, uh, availing herself of their services. Or rushing straight into a battle. Or deciding that the Uthgard guy holding the dragon’s chains should drop them right now, which admittedly may have caused the rest of the party some concern…

So it was perfect to buy this bag of beans, which the DM had already told me was in his sights. He is excited to use it. Said it only took him a short amount of time to prepare for it, and now I have it.

For the uninitiated:

“Inside this heavy cloth bag are 3d4 dry beans. The bag weighs 1/2 pound plus 1/4 pound for each bean it contains.

If you dump the bag’s contents out on the ground, they explode in a 10/foot radius, extending from the beans. Each creature in the area, including you, must make a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw, taking 5d4 fire damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one. The fire ignites flammable objects in the area that aren’t being worn or caried.

If you remove a bean from the bag, plant it in dirt or sand, and then water it, the bean produces an effect 1 minute later from where it was planted. The DM can choose an effect from the following table [chart included], determine it randomly, or create an effect.”

That’s to say, plant a bean, and something C R A Z Y will happen, depending on the will of the dice or the DM. Here’s some examples of what can happen, as chosen by myself and the DM sitting at the other end of this couch I’m on:

An inanimate, immobile statue in your likeness makes verbal threats against you. If you leave, and others come nearby, it’s going to tell others that you are a terrible villain, and that they should go attack you.

A bunch of eggs pop out. If you succeed on a constitution saving throw, your lowest ability score increases by one. If you fail, you take 10d6 force damage.

Toadstools sprout. You become either poisoned, or gain 5d6 temporary hit points.

On the innocuous seeming, a campfire with blue flames springs forth and burns for 24 hours.

A treant sprouts, and it has a 50/50 chance it is chaotic evil and attacks.

A geyser erupts and spouts water, beer, berry juice, tea, vinegar, oil, or wine.

A giant beanstalk sprouts, growing to a height of the DM’s choice. The top leads where the DM chooses, such as to a great view, a cloud giant’s castle, or a different plane of existence.

Sooooooo. I’m not saying Fae is going to plant one of these beans. Now she has a cat to keep her company to occupy her, besides her regular company of fine traveling-companions. But she does get bored awfully easily. On the other hand, she now has a bomb.

This can only go well.